Cowgirl, missionary and thoughts of love

I had sex a lot more times now. Embarrassingly enough, I still can't really figure out how to get the penis in me by myself. But my partner is happy to oblige me in the meantime. I still get nervous and tense up. In missionary my arms and legs naturally push up and away. Its like some kind of knee jerk reaction trying to the push the person off of me. It's kind of annoying, but since I clearly want it, it isn't terribly inconvenient to subdue me or ignore it. He always waits very patiently for me to say I'm ready. And I take a deep breath and he encourages me and he slides in very slowly. It feels good but it's still really scary.

I am really just so fucking excited, I barely have any words to describe it. He is too. We are really excited to have sex. To make love. And I feel good because I know I was right in waiting all these years. I worked hard with the dilators, and therapy, and reading books, and doing CBT. And then I found an amazing boyfriend that really helped to push me over that last gate and into the land of sexual freedom. And it's great. We had our first innocent I love yous.

As always, moving forward and to the best self I can be. I am very proud.

More importantly, I can't wait to fuck some more.