Still feeling some feels

I am kind of in shock.



"How do you feel?" He asked. "I don't feel any different." I said. "I know right? I didn't either." He said. It's pretty much just a nice thing to do. Nothing crazy, just a nice thing. To express lust, sexual energy, unite love and attraction. To foster warm and fuzzy feelings in my heart once again. I feel again.

It's a three letter word that starts with S and ends with X

I am changing the date of this post so that it accurately records the date and time that the following event happened:

I had sex

I thought my heart was gonna explode in my chest I was so scared, but then we tried twice and it went in! And out! And in again. It didn't hurt either. It was just scary. I had worked myself up over it for so long that it just felt like EVERYTHING was at stake. But then I realized that I chose the right partner, and nothing was at stake. He said we could go at whatever pace I wanted. And I believed it. And it was so great! He was so great! We only did it for like a few minutes, but it was definitely in. Like a penis, was it my vagina. MY vagina.

My greatest downfall, my biggest foe, the fear I had of my own body. It is slowly breaking away. I worked very hard for this. I feel I did the right thing waiting as long as I did. I was relieved not to have a moment of  "OH SHIT I couldn't have easily done this all along." I could not have done this all along. I could only do it afters hours of researching, and years of maturing. I feel sad that I had to surrender so much of my life because I wasn't ready, but it had to be that way. I wasn't ready. I knew I wasn't ready.

But now, I'm ready. Not without quirks and bumps along the way, but I'm ready to enter the scary world of pregnancy scares and STDs

Here's a victory here. Didn't think it would ever happen. But it's fucking here. I'm fucking awesome and nothing can stop me.