I am changing the date of this post so that it accurately records the date and time that the following event happened:
I had sex
I thought my heart was gonna explode in my chest I was so scared, but then we tried twice and it went in! And out! And in again. It didn't hurt either. It was just scary. I had worked myself up over it for so long that it just felt like EVERYTHING was at stake. But then I realized that I chose the right partner, and nothing was at stake. He said we could go at whatever pace I wanted. And I believed it. And it was so great! He was so great! We only did it for like a few minutes, but it was definitely in. Like a penis, was it my vagina. MY vagina.
My greatest downfall, my biggest foe, the fear I had of my own body. It is slowly breaking away. I worked very hard for this. I feel I did the right thing waiting as long as I did. I was relieved not to have a moment of "OH SHIT I couldn't have easily done this all along." I could not have done this all along. I could only do it afters hours of researching, and years of maturing. I feel sad that I had to surrender so much of my life because I wasn't ready, but it had to be that way. I wasn't ready. I knew I wasn't ready.
But now, I'm ready. Not without quirks and bumps along the way, but I'm ready to enter the scary world of pregnancy scares and STDs
Here's a victory here. Didn't think it would ever happen. But it's fucking here. I'm fucking awesome and nothing can stop me.
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