Written a long time ago, but just for reference

Ground Rules:

No Lashing out at me: I am not the one who’s in the wrong here

You must be willing to hear me out

No jumping to conclusions

No putting words or intention in my mouth

First off, you cannot reason with someone while they are having a full scale mental breakdown. A breakdown lies not in rational thought and resides at the place where pain and illogical intersect. I envy you for not knowing what that is like, but I am glad for you. Breakdown is not a good place to be. But it means that your specialty cannot lie anywhere but sympathy, and not in empathy. You do not understand what it is like to be that desperate. Desperation is a scary thing, uncertainty is a scary thing, not feeling safe and secure anywhere. Burning in the fiery torment of pain from which you see no end. You don’t know these things, I can see that for sure. I am glad for that. But you must be willing to open your eyes and see it in others. But you see, this is complicated, because now I have given you a very personal part of myself. Something that cannot be taken back. You have seen me at the apex of all things bad. It is a part that almost no one on earth has seen, it is a dark and frightening part of myself. The thought of you holding me while I was so vulnerable is beautiful and touching to me. However, it leaves out a very important part:

The part where that should have never happened. I should have never been pushed to that breaking point. We should have talked it out like mature adults in a safe space at a time where it was reasonable. Instead of cornering me in a place that was literally inescapable, humiliating. The part where you literally forced your opinion of us onto me, we didn’t break up, You dumped me. You dumped me knowing full well where I stood at that point and time. At a time that you knew was important to me, on a day that you knew was stressful already, but you did it anyways.

And it FUCKING HURT. I entrusted you with my feelings, I made myself extremely vulnerable to you, I laid myself out there, I allowed you to push that envelope.