The dilators have arrived

Progress Log!!

Dilators arrived, there's five of them, they fit together like russian dolls in a little canvas bag. The instructions were outrageously simple.

-Wash dilator
-Apply lube
-Spread legs
-Insert slowly as far as comfortable and leave for five minutes
-Remove and rinse
-Repeat as needed

And so, after puttering about for a day or two, getting called out by the boyfriend for puttering about, and crying a little in frustration blah blah blah serious conversation, woe is me why was a born such a horrible stupid failure conversation, I decided to stop saying a bunch of ideas I no longer subscribed to and set an agenda.

Every day I get back from work, sign into my sex tumblr. Look at some sexy images, get out the vibrator, get relaxed, do the steps listed above and see how it goes. Then I take a nice shower and be done with it. See how I feel and then do it again the next day. Just finished the third day, this is how it went.

Day 1: Was at the boyfriend's house. At his urging I went into his room with the Number 1 size dilator and a some noise canceling headphones. Tried to relax, very unsuccessfully. Felt defeated. Inserted dilator, accompanied by severe burning sensation in urethral area, some internal burning, anxiety. Pushed on just a bit more than necessary. Thought I wasn't making any progress. Removed dilator to find it had actually been about 50-60% of the way in. Burning and discomfort persisted until I left the shower. Wondered if I could ever be normal.

Day 2: On my own time, did the following steps listed above. Was scared, but not as scared as the previous day. Tried to insert dilator, more pain and burning. Tried to open my legs. Caused a large amount of anxiety. Slowly opened my knees with the dilator in until anxiety faded. Left it in 60% of the way for about 5 minutes. Anxiety subsided but physical success only increased by a small percentage

Day 3: Lay on my bed expecting similar results, but was surprised to feel just a little burning. Tried to push it in a little further but it didn't seem like it was going to move. I lay there like that very still. Then I suddenly looked down to see it had gone all the way in. Like my body just suddenly engulfed it. I lay like that for about 5 minutes. Celebrated and took a long shower.

PROGRESS.

Day