Cutting ties

I recently cut ties with someone. I don't usually actively sever someone from my life. I was scared to do it. But you know what? At the end, I felt nothing but relief. I have been caused so much undue suffering, grief, insecurity and emotional damage from just a short time with this person. And though I have learned much, don't get me wrong, it was unnecessarily harsh.

I'd like to say that everything happens for a reason, but we all know that's nothing but a crock of shit. Things happen due to the circumstances that create them. Everyday, events happen that cause us to grow, just like sometimes things not happening also cause us to grow. To say that having an emotionally manipulative, uncaring ex-boyfriend was an important tenet of my growth and fullness as a person is ridiculous and false. It allows said ex to get away with being a scary asshole in some aspects because 'hey, you grew up!' I cried, I hurt, and life moved on. I grow each day because I choose to cry, hurt and move on. I don't off myself any time something bad happens (Not that it has never crossed my mind though.)

Life is hard. And its because of specific things that culminate in semi-predictable ways. My scary ex hurt me very badly because he didn't care about my feelings. I was sad because my life was hard at the time, I lost my job, my housing and home life was a mess, I was insecure and sad. He was an asshole because other kids were assholes to him in the past, and he internalized that and became an asshole himself. And so on and so forth. We can only be held at fault for the reactions we have to the stuff that happens to us. We cannot be held at fault for all of the actual tangible things that happen to us.

I for one, am glad to be able to have the tools to say my piece and move on. I'm glad to have kept my cool in the face of accusations and personal attack. I was even able to inspire an apology from him, although I'm not sure how encouraging it was (more like a "I'm sorry you were offended by my words." type than anything too introspective). I feel better at having some closure in some aspects, and hoping not to run into this person again. Whew.

The end of that story arc for now.