It's weird, sometimes I go back in progress and it's hard to tell why. Sometimes I feel really ashamed about my sexuality. I look back on times I was sexual and feel ashamed and weird about it. Like, Wow, I can't believe I said or did that. It makes it hard to advocate for my needs. And when you can't advocate your needs its hard for people to meet them. And when people don't meet your needs it can feel angering and isolating and then you don't want to interact with them anymore. When you can't interact with people it feels lonely and it becomes hard to trust people. And then its just a big downward spiral from there.
I crave human touch and that makes me embarrassed sometimes. I wish I was a robot. Feelings make a person weak. Or so I tell myself sometimes. But the truth is. I want to fuck and touch and be messy with someone. I want to speak the unspeakable, feel the unfathomable, and shout in ecstasy until I can't remember a world without stress and pain.
Because if I can't do that, then why do anything? Its a utterly natural set of urges, I need to tell myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment