OB GYN

So...


With the desire of not wanting to die alone, I decided it was time to talk to a women's professional about what exactly was going on with my body. Was it all in my head? Was it all in my body? Is there something really wrong with me that requires surgery? Have I really just not broken my hymen yet? To be honest, I really don't know. Having only minimal experience probing around down there, and not having probed any other vaginas. What I thought made sense in my head, in recent context makes less sense than I thought.

There is a possibility that there really isn't anything wrong with me, besides a paralyzing fear of sex and penetration. And if that's true, that means there's a really easy fix for that: CBT and exposure and response therapy. CBT is a way of rationalizing one's fears so that they seem normal. It's super effective. If I can slowly expose myself to the things I fear most, I can slowly build an immunity to the fear response itself. Resulting in le sex.

But that's all assuming I can go through with this appointment, and they don't find anything wrong. I wonder. If I overcome this. I will have successfully conquered the greatest roadblock to my self esteem and well being. I wont have to fear anymore rejection or being seen as incomplete. And hey, I might even like it! I might really like it! And then I can use and abuse sex all I want and make stupid life choices and fall for people who are all wrong for me just like everybody else does. A normal person.

Just.

Like.

Everybody.

Else.