Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Progress Log Keeps Getting Better

I put a finger in, all of the way. It just kept going further and then I was feeling the inside of me. I felt myself, my own body. I pressed on the walls, it felt hard. I didn't feel any pain. I didn't feel any anxiety. It was just a finger inside me. Then I was hooking up with my friends with benefits. He got it in pretty far too. This time it did feel more painful, but not like it used to be. I didn't feel nervous or scared. It was just a finger. He said he could feel my g-spot. I have a G-Spot. Just like everybody else. There was a finger in me. That finger felt stuff. I felt that finger. That happened. And it was sometimes good, sometimes uncomfortable. But nothing like before. And one finger is almost two fingers. And two fingers is practically three fingers. Which is more than enough for a penis. Here it comes.

I thought about it, when i'm "fixed" so to speak, that I would just want to fuck everything and everyone. But the truth is, besides alleviating guilt, and helping me orgasm, nothing is going to change really. My curiosity will be satiated. I'll be a normal adult, with a normal sex life I guess. Kinda like before. I'll stop resenting my body so much. But you know. I already have forgiven my body. I don't resent it so much anymore.

Ultimately, when I went to create my to-do list, it was quite short. I can think of three people in my life I would honestly love to jump once I've made my sexual debut. Two of them I've already hooked up with anyways. The list goes as follows: My current crush, my ex, and the guy who comes into my workplace a lot and chats with me. And that's my hit list. I barely know that last guy, so maybe I wouldn't actually want to get with him in the end. He's really hot though. All of these people on this list are super smart, super hot, successful guys with good jobs. It seems criminal that I should have such high caliber of people that lust after me and I also lust after. Me, small  and childlike, pock marked with acne even in adulthood. I have since lost my real job and work a menial labor job. But you know, I have plenty of value to offer to others. The people who I perceive as sexy and awesome, are softspoken, awkward and single still. They just want to relate to others the way I do. You live and you learn. All day, every day. Living and learning. And hopefully fucking.


3 comments:

  1. Congratulations! :) This makes me so happy to read.
    I like the phrase sexual debut. But to me you seem a lot more knowledgeable about sex and relationships than some people I know who have made their sexual debuts. you definitely don't seem like a novice.
    Who do you think you'll do it with the first time you have intercourse? Or are you gonna leave that up to fate? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really appreciate your encouraging comments! As far as who I'll do it with...not sure, probably my ex, since we are so comfortable together, but who knows what crazy things I may find myself doing in 2013.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha I hope we both have an insanely awesome crazy year. :)

      Delete