Just About the Only Way I Would Feel Better Right Now is if I Was Lying in a Bathub of Cold Water While a Single Drop of Water Drips Onto My Forehead.

Nope, still not feeling any better today.

I feel angry.

I feel like I was played. I was vulnerable. I was stupid and optimistic and hopeful. I thought that things would change. Things never change, things are always going to stay the same. I thought that maybe, maybe you would like me. That you would be the one to accept me, that we could be happy. I could happy.  I had my doubts, I knew about her, but I thought that that would never go anywhere. I was sure that I was the better choice. I was sure of it.

But of course, I know how stupid I was. I should have known. After all, why would anyone like me by choice? I am stupid, ugly and broken. I will never be normal. I was just a fallback. I was just a boost to your self-esteem. Something to be used as comfort. I was never a real option. I was never a real consideration. I am nothing. I am a 'good friend'.

I don't have feelings. I'm too cool for feelings. I don't care about valentine's day, cause I'm just a friend. I should have known. My tears will go unnoticed. I am just a friend. Friends don't cry about these things. I already knew how this would end. After all, it's just me. Why would I think I have a chance? Why would I think anyone would want me?

I am stupid and I deserve this. I let this happen. I knew how it would end. So know I should suffer. I deserve it. I deserve the pain. Just like I did before. I do now.

I LOATHE myself right now. Why now? Why did you have to do it then? What about my feelings?