I had the most amazing experience

I had seriously the most amazing sex ever last night. For many hours. We tried literally everything there is to try. And it all felt AMAZING. All of it. I feel like a warm fuzzy blanket of love and sexual energy. I'm realizing things I find interesting, letting my guard down, being a human being again. And he's is absolutely loving all of it. So he whispered in my ear for what felt like an eternity last night.

To say that I had good sex doesn't even begin to describe what happened to me last night. Waking up at the crack of dawn, fucking again, and realizing it was time to go to work. I walked outside to hear the otherworldly sounds of a bunch of Blue jays and Crows circling overhead. And I wondered whether I was dreaming-- floating along in a sea of perfect experiences, boundary pushing, barrier breaking, raw, passionate love.

Now I can't stop smiling.

Out With The Old

As referenced in the previous posts. All my exes left shit at my house and it made me sad. That stuff is gone now. It's time to rebuild. And I feel good, and tranquil and free of angst. I don't hate them. I love them, but in that abstract way. Where I want to help them in a genuine and good hearted manner. Not for dating or sex. But out of respect for the great partnership we had. We created something amazing, and now it's time to take it down and resurrect a new monument.

Cowgirl, missionary and thoughts of love

I had sex a lot more times now. Embarrassingly enough, I still can't really figure out how to get the penis in me by myself. But my partner is happy to oblige me in the meantime. I still get nervous and tense up. In missionary my arms and legs naturally push up and away. Its like some kind of knee jerk reaction trying to the push the person off of me. It's kind of annoying, but since I clearly want it, it isn't terribly inconvenient to subdue me or ignore it. He always waits very patiently for me to say I'm ready. And I take a deep breath and he encourages me and he slides in very slowly. It feels good but it's still really scary.

I am really just so fucking excited, I barely have any words to describe it. He is too. We are really excited to have sex. To make love. And I feel good because I know I was right in waiting all these years. I worked hard with the dilators, and therapy, and reading books, and doing CBT. And then I found an amazing boyfriend that really helped to push me over that last gate and into the land of sexual freedom. And it's great. We had our first innocent I love yous.

As always, moving forward and to the best self I can be. I am very proud.

More importantly, I can't wait to fuck some more.